1° Chapter:
House: Everybody lies.
House: Treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.
House: Truth begins in lies.
House: You idiot!!!
2° Chapter:
-Foreman: Chase tackled him.
-House: How can you didn't do it?
-Foreman: Right, well, I'm black but he was closer.
3°
House: There's not a thin line between love and hate. There is in fact a Great Wall of China with armed centuries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.
House: The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screw up.
House: Reality is almost always wrong.
4°
House: Read less, more TV.
House: You have restored my faith in the human race: you are lying.
5°
-House: I recognize that I’m human and capable of error.
-Wilson: So you might have screwed this up?
-House: No
*Sister Eucarist: Sister Augustine believes in things that aren’t real.
*House: I thought that was a job requirement for you people.
House: I don't need verification from you to know that I'm doing my job well.
-Wilson: [S]ometimes patients die against all reason and sometimes they get better against all reason.
-House: No they don’t, we just don’t know the reason.
House (to Sister Augustine): 'Cause you can’t tell me that you put your faith in God to get you through the day. But when it comes to cross the road, I know you look both ways.
6°
House: Boys in the lab sure are hard drinkers, but they are pros.
House: Look, I have a cane and I know how to use it.
House: It turns out that your best judgment is not good enough. Here's an idea: next time use mine.
7°
House: No pain no game.
House: Is a lie a lie if everybody knows is a lie?
House (to Foreman): That rules out the race thing, 'cause you are as black as last week.
House: We formulate questions based on the answers we wanna hear.
8°
-Foreman: The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseas and disorientated.
-House: That's the way calculus presents
9°
House: People keep living because of my mistakes.
House: Humility is an important quality, especially if you are wrong a lot.
House: This is the way medicine evolved: patients sometimes get better. We have no idea why, unless you give a reason they won’t pay you.
House: Answer the question. It’s not going to change how I think about myself. It might affect my opinion of you, but that should not affect your opinion of yourself… I am getting confused…
10°
Wilson: The metric system always confuses me.
House: Ok, you two grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors.
-Student: You are reading a comic book.
-House: And you are calling attention to your bosoms by wearing a low cut top. Oh, I am sorry; I thought we were having a “state-the-obvious contest”. I’m competitive by nature.
11°
Wilson: She’s hot, so she is a hooker? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
House: I said I was an addict, I didn’t say I had a problem.
12°
-House: I had three reasons.
-Cuddy: Good ones?
-House: Well, we’ll see in a minute, just making them up now.
(Later)
-House: Which brings me into my fourth reason….
-Cuddy: I thought you say they were only three.
-House: I thought you’d buy one.
13°
-Cameron: 12 years old don’t have sex.
-House: Their mistake.
-House: What should I do?
-Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you’re going to listen to it. I like this part.
House (to Wilson): Oh, you never run out of “thingies”
House: Clue number one: if I were Jesus, curing this kid would be as easy as turning water into wine.
House: Twelve years old don’t have sex, right? So he can’t be pregnant.
14°
House: Read less, more TV.
15°
House: Genetics is a powerful force.
16°
House: I’m sorry; I guess I must have been just brain washed by the media, and all those years in medical training.
17°
House: People pray so that god won’t crush them like bugs.
20°
-Myron: Are you Doctor House?
-House: I have a feeling I’m gonna regret this, but, yes.
21°
House: It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.
22°
-Cameron: What happened to “everybody lies”?
-House: I was lying
House: If you can fake sincerity you can fake pretty much anything.
House: Stop looking at the suspiciously empty bottle.
Stacy to House: It's the great about you; you always think you are right. What's so frustrating about you is you are right so much of the time.